America’s Next Top Model

America’s Next Top Model, The girls have to judge themselves and model like Greek goddesses. We return to Greece, filled with stereotypical grainy promotional shots. I’m not sure why ANTM likes using tourism videos, but they stick out like a sore thumb.

Dominique was happy that she was the dark horse even though she had the top photo last week. Since her season, Dominique has evolved. She is now playing for her children. Angelea was worried that she was in the bottom so much, because she doubted herself. Lisa realized that Allison is the biggest competition, even though Lisa thought Allison looked dead in shots.

Angelea talked to Laura about being top three/two in their seasons didn’t determine their presence on the show. I think Angelea needed to realize she was technically tied for fourth. Angelea was buckling under the pressure of the show. The girls received a Tyra Mail to meet with the judges. The girls met with Miss J and explained that the girls would have a casting. The girls would judge each other as a twist. Miss J pointed out the girls had to give and take criticism.

Each of the girls had three sections: walking, portfolio, and a Q&A portion. The girls started walking and each girl had generally negative comments about each other. There were obvious critiques like Allison having very awkward walking abilities. None of them really understood that her walking was intentionally quirky. They followed with a photo evaluation where Laura was told her NeNe shot was awful. They then asked the girls who they thought wouldn’t win. Laura, Allison, and Lisa gave the diplomatic answer of no one should be eliminated. Unlike the other political girls, Dominique decided to actually say a name: Angelea. Angelea threw her arms up a bit upset, but Dominique thought she wanted to push Angelea further. Laura decided to chime in and call her guarded. Lisa called her a ticking time bomb in interviews, but in person complained about how her brand was confusing. Laura got angry and wanted Angelea to succeed. Miss J decided to talk out the issues and put her on the spotlight. Angelea got upset and started to do the hand-clap emphasizing of words. She stormed off.

After the commercial break, Angelea didn’t get the supportive love of the contestants. Dominique didn’t think she was ready to be a Top Model yet. Miss J talked to Angelea and calmed her down. She returned to the competition and Miss J continued to ask who thought should win, Angelea didn’t think anyone would win. Miss J then told the girls to grade each other. Angelea was upset, but mostly with Laura, Lisa, and Dominique. Miss J announced the overall weakest was Allison; Angelea was shocked because of the drama she expected to be in the bottom. Laura was announced as the strongest. Miss J announced that all the girls would have a VIP party to de-stress.

Twylem Pyper came to pick up the girls on a yacht and the girls talked to Twylem about how hard the challenges were. The girls followed their Yacht ride with open swimming time. Dominique, Angelea, and Laura were a bit nervous about getting into the water. Laura was scared of the water after her season with the underwater photo shoot. It made her even more paranoid than normal. The girls went to party and Twyla was drinking like crazy. She attempted to get Allison to drink and Allison threw it over her shoulder. What a waste of alcohol. Lisa, after going to Celebrity Rehab, knew she shouldn’t drink. Angelea was still unsure about herself blocking all her motivation.

The girls got a Tyra Mail and it was a photo of an ancient Greek painting. The girls arrive at the beautiful photo shoot and Jay told the girls that they would be using fashion accessories that tie in with classic Greek Olympics. The photographer this week was judge Nigel Barker and the girls were even more nervous about impressing their judge. One aspect Nigel was looking for was athleticism. The girls went to hair and makeup. Lisa was given a mohawk. Dominique was first and given the javelin and was warned not to throw it into the poor crew. In a funny moment, Dominique pronounced her item as a “Javin.” Dominique was told to be more graceful in her shots. Nigel thought that her character was a question. Allison was given a purse to be a discus; she was worried about overanalyzing in her head. Nigel told her to be like the goddess of wind. He stopped her for looking like she was hailing a cab. She was told to slow down and she improved.

America’s Next Top Model

America’s Next Top Model, Occasionally, Next Top Model America is as batshit, I have very little to say about it. What I can add to an episode in which contestants were forced to make “viral” videos? (I put “viral” in quotes because actually doing viral videos. In this connection, Tyra Banks does not know what “viral” refers to.) Presumption of it was absurd, and I love how Tyra presented as a reasonable challenge and not something crazy cooked while smoking the best “ledom boat.”

“How can you have your celebrity to a higher level that goes viral?” Asked Jay Manuel. I’m pretty sure that was rhetorical, but the sex tape, obviously. Then namechecked as viral sensations like Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber, suggesting that the models might one day join their ranks. And yes, I believe that each and every one of these ladies could eventually become as forgettable as Rebecca Black or even the guy who sang “Chocolate Rain”. However, before becoming YouTube stars, contestants were asked to co-write and record their own songs.

Allison spent much time going crazy over her inability to sing, which is a completely legitimate concern. I am puzzled by the assumption that all models would be able to sing, but I guess in an era of Auto-tune, anyone can sound halfway not terrible. I’m really surprised more than the contestants had to write their own songs, not even Rebecca Black was responsible for that challenge. Allison continued to insist on the song and ended up writing a touching ode to her recently deceased father. Because, well, nothing says viral and a dead father.

When participants arrived at the studio to record their songs, they were informed they would have to incorporate the phrase “ledom pot” which is “top model” backwards. I have no explanation for this, except, perhaps, that Tyra is a gnikcuf citanul. I also loved when Tom CBS Records “Polka reminded models,” You have to make it fun … It’s all about fun. “Allison Court, which had to incorporate a funky hook in her song. Rest in peace, Dad. Ledom were always a pot in my heart.

Allison somehow managed to make it work. (She is, literally, a foreigner, is the only explanation I can come up with.) Lisa, who won the challenge of writing songs, killed it, and most models of other jobs can be repaired. I say “useful”, as none of these women are professionals, and it showed. While I admired her enthusiasm, I was eager for the worst of the bunch (including my girlcrush Laura) for Auto-tuning in comfortable mediocrity. And yes, I thought it was cute when Alexandria said: “I feel like it could be an artist.” But in that class pretty deceived, vaguely annoying way. We do not do shit.

Music videos rose absurd lipsynch chorus (yes, I know) were provided by Tyra and Internet sensation Keenan Cahill. I’ll be nice to Keenan, it is a boy of 16 years of age, but is famous for lipsynching and not even very good at it. (See, I was fine. I could easily have said that talent is a terrible mess.) Tyra and Keenan did not ruin all the videos, if only because most of them were hopelessly horrible to begin with, but a frustrating distraction. I sympathize, though: Tyra and Keenan definitely needs the exposure.

I realize I have not said much about the songs, but most were too generic to merit discussion. Almost all participants chose to write about the competition, the challenges they have faced and how they finally going to be victorious in other words, the same shit every week peak, but this time set to pop rhythms of shit. Shout outs to Laura by her charm inane “Sweet Southern Girl” and Lisa for reliable fun “I Be Like Whoa.” No, Lisa, I like whoa. His song was something nice.

In the end, flat video of Alexandria is not enough. Angelee announced this chain of events when he said: “There is a line in the song that says,” Go, go, go. “No, no, no.” And while I did not think the song of Alexandria was worse than Shannon “World Go Round” or Dominique “Ya Booty Tooch,” I was happy to see him go. For a competitor whose main draw was the harassing conduct, Alexandria spent too much of this cycle flying under the radar. Sorry girl, but if you want to be a household name, you can not be afraid to make their voices heard. Each pot ledom know.

Americas Next Top Model

Americas Next Top Model, As the girls return home, it seems that Lisa is back at it again in a cycle of 5: getting very drunk. Take a couple of bottles of wine and as it appears that she will soon be talking to Cousin Itt again, the former “alcoholic bit*h” reveals that she does not fall into the good ole drink.

Just as the other girls are making a toast (presumably at home Isis), Lisa decides to sit this one out. We are all very happy to have overcome her addiction to Lisa, as long as the promise of being even as crazy as you sober as you are drunk. Please urinate more adult-sized diapers.
Along with drinks waiting for the girls back home, many of them are happy to find packages from home. While most of the girls open the boxes to find clothes and other goodies diverse Camille box is only a reminder of her 33 years old: the bills. In a confessional, the cycle of 2 All Star cranky about how an adult and can not afford to be as carefree as some of the other girls. Hopefully the judges do not learn that she is 33, because the last time you heard that someone cut off was 25 just before the end.
It turns out that Kayla is also not feeling so great after the last elimination. Like, really. As she begins to vomit, all the girls start going crazy and eventually even an ambulance ride. She returned around 2 am with Laura (Laura is a sweet heart. I want her by my bed if ever in a hospital) and while all your hugs for her return, you know that everyone is hoping that she was home because she is a lesbian fierce competition. Also, congratulations to Camille, not even to put down her fork with food on it to embrace Kayla when she enters the kitchen.

Challenge the girls of the week is to memorize a scene from “CSI:. Crime Scene Investigation” According to Laura who is “the most important role as an eternity.” Almost all the girls pretty horrendous, sans Angelee and Bre. The best reading through humor goes to Dominique, however. In her confession, he says, “God forbid if I hear her [the pseudo-famous producer or director who was facilitating the challenge] e-mail because he would be sending all my videos of hearing.” Dominique, I sent her videos of hearing. I bet you’re very funny. Brasilia!

Bre wins the challenge, but honorable mention goes to Angelee. Who knew that Little Miss Buffalo could provide a little talent for interpretation. And I love the fact that Tyra perplexed young again with medical terms in a performance challenge, as it did in cycle 3. Seen this trick before Tyty, but I still love it.

For the photo shoot, the girls are Express, the label the winner gets a campaign. They are each assigned to the bride, dating, society or cool girl to embody. Male models are also involved, with what some testosterone for all estrogen-driven.

Most of the photos were pretty forgettable or memorable for the wrong reasons. It looked like the picture of Bre containing the flirting going to give one of the male models work together. Bianca and it looked like the Cheshire cat when trying to communicate to flirt with the eyes and mouth.

Best hand photo below was Angelee, who brought the 716 area code, both the challenge and photo shoot. He describes himself as a character of society “716 humble, but moved to New York and became a real rich btch.” Of course it was worth it, as it was called first in the panel.

Below, two were Camille and Lisa, that was expected of her editions of this episode. Camille was criticized for not being able to convey the same model in the photos as it does in person, while cousin Lisa, excuse the monster came out to play this week. In the end, Lisa was saved and Camille, 33 years old, was sent home to take her signature walk back home, where she will have to pay those bills more and more adults.