Ultimate Tazer Ball

February 12, 2012 by staff 

Ultimate Tazer Ball, Ultimate Tazer Ball is the shocking sport of the future
How do you get Americans interested in soccer? Ultimate Tazer Ball claims to have the solution. For one thing, you make the balls much bigger and the teams much smaller. For another, you arm each of the players with a stun gun.

Despite the players being outfitted like bad Tron cosplayers, apparently Ultimate Tazer Ball is a real thing. Teams of four battle each other attempt to carry, kick, and toss a beach ball-sized soccer ball into the other’s team’s goal, while avoiding other players’ stun guns. Although these are lower grade stun guns, not the tasers used by police, the players say they’re still pretty painful — although they insist the sport is safe.

Right now, there are four UTB teams: the LA Nightlights, the Philly Killawatts, the Tornoto Terror, and the San Diego Spartans. Hilariously, the Terror can’t even play on their home turf, since tasers are illegal in Canada. But the players are hoping the legitimize the sport by holding a tournament in Bangkok this March, and eventually developing a full league.

Just think about it: in a few months, we could be seeing men voluntarily subjecting themselves to a good tasing on sports bar TVs across the globe.

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