Top Chef Texas

December 22, 2011 by staff 

Top Chef TexasTop Chef Texas, Immediately following the ugly dust-up between “Queen of Mean” (Padma’s words, not mine) Heather and the surprisingly resilient Beverly – more on their ongoing feud later – Padma announced that the Top Chef caravan is heading to Austin! I’ve never been, but it’s awfully trendy to sing Austin’s praises, so I’ll do so: Austin rocks, it’s totally the Little Five Points of Central Texas! (A thousand Disqus “likes” to anyone who gets that reference).

Paul, who’s been extremely preoccupied with representing Austin all season, was “sweating balls” (or sweating “from” them? I don’t get it and don’t want to) over the prospect of getting eliminated in his hometown. Previously, all we knew about Paul was that he’s from Texas and he doubts himself a lot even though he’s kinda awesome. But last night we got a disturbing glimpse at his misspent youth: Before he found his way to culinary school, he sold weed and was too lazy to rid his nasty apartment of dog doodie. As it did for Keith Rhodes, cooking saved Paul from a life of crime. Cheffing is my anti-drug!

Last night’s “high-tech” Quickfire Challenge was probably better in theory than in execution, but it made for some small thrills nevertheless. Fans could decide the twists and turns of the challenge by tweeting in suggestions. The Twitterverse started by lobbing a real softball at the chefs: Cook something with bacon! In reality competition terms, cooking with bacon is the equivalent to singing “God Bless America” on American Idol or the opposite of stepping up as Project Manager on Celebrity Apprentice. It’s the safest move you can make because everyone loves bacon, and everyone loves talking about how much they love bacon.

Of course, the Tweeters threw e-wrenches into things. In honor of hashtags, everyone had to incorporate a hash into their dish. Then, each contestant had to incorporate an ingredient selected by a competitor. Ooh, to the Twitter troll who dreamed that one up, nice thinking! Lindsay handed Crary maple syrup, and Crary handed her a bottle of Sriracha sauce, which Lindsay treated like a Mario Kart banana peel. My powers of reasoning tell me Beverly would have been happy to receive Sriracha sauce.

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