The Three Musketeers

October 21, 2011 by staff 

The Three MusketeersThe Three Musketeers, Forget that old-school book. The Three Musketeers – the last of the countless versions of Porthos, Athos, Aramis and D’Artagnan saga – is more about Pirates of the Caribbean that Alexandre Dumas.

This means that reinvents the 17th century as the 21 with funny hats, punching a lot of nonsense about the noise and explosions. Even the swords are musketeers matrix with bullet time slow-motion martial arts movements. All in 3D.

What do you expect something different from the man behind the Resident Evil series?

Not Musketeers movie first to take the issue altogether unseriously.

Richard Lester made with the ingenuity of the 70′s. But at the same time throw everything related to history (and the precision of a point) that you dislike, Paul WAS Anderson adds nothing to the other party, except grandstanding.

This will be known forever as the Musketeers film with aircraft (and machine-gun-barrel Gatling-rotation). But as strangely anachronistic, since everything is ridiculously out of time FX is not an issue of The Three Musketeers. “It is the people.

Let’s start with the accents. Porthos this movie, Ray Stevenson, of the Rome mini-series, joked in an interview to an American Caesar game would “make it sound like cheap prnography.” In this film, D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) is an American accent (reminiscent of Christian Slater actually).

The scheming Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich) from time to time let her accent slip Atlantic and California by way of Serbia slips in. The French sound British (Brit actors Stevenson, Luke and Matthew Davis are the Musketeers MacFayden). The sound really British British (Orlando Bloom has a total of evil Lord Buckingham, who wears a mustache Snideley Whiplash). And the one with a French accent is Danish (Mads Mikkelsen, who plays Rochefort, the lethal henchman Cardinal Richelieu Christoph Waltz).

Add a bunch of “Yepsen” and phrases like “I bet you say that all the girls” and have a movie that not even pretend to care that takes place almost 400 years ago.

Does it matter? Do not know if Johnny Depp was to boost the Memo-ness.

Ideally, the work must fall to anyone who plays D’Artagnan, the country boy intelligent sword joins the Musketeers. Unfortunately, Lerman (Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief) is a good head shorter than his peers, and, looking about 12, not physically carry it out. (The same musketeers, all consummate professionals, maintaining a constant attitude of bewilderment).

So the work of the anti-hero falls to the director’s wife Jovovich (Resident Evil also), the first ever Milady could kick ass 10 guys around the block and carve their initials on them in the agreement.

Aircraft aside, the germ of the story remains – as D’Artagnan in Paris welcomes misunderstanding that leads to a schedule of hourly duels with the Musketeers. There’s the Queen (Juno Temple), which provide evidence of stolen jewelry adultery against her lover-fop Luis Rey (Freddie Fox). (The theft, of course, is straight from Mission Impossible, with silk standing in motion detection laser.)

And there’s a mission to London to rescue Musketeer jewelry, he said, followed by, ahem, a dirigible dogfight over the English Channel.

Everything becomes a strange, hallucinatory experience – and not in a good way.

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