The Bachelor Recap
March 14, 2012 by staff
The Bachelor Recap, The time has come. Ben must now choose between Lindzi (“Horse Girl”) and Courtney (“Model”). With the public rooting for Lindzi and the tabloids following Courtney as she tries on wedding dresses, it’s anyone’s game to lose. Though “winning” Ben may or may not be actually be considered a win. His mother (Barbara) and sister (Julia) join him in Switzerland for the finale.
Sarah: During lunch with Ben’s family, Lindzi was so nervous and kept dropping everything, which made me like her more. I really hope Ben doesn’t pick her because she deserves better. Ben’s sister cornered her and grilled her about Courtney rather than getting to know Lindzi better. Julia hasn’t met Courtney yet and already doesn’t like her!
Chris: Barbara looks like John McCain, and Julia looks like the giant Kardashian.
Julia Has to Be Lying
Sarah: Before Julia met Courtney she seemed really concerned about her being a model and not getting along with the other women. Then she meets Courtney, who does nothing to redeem herself, yet all of the sudden, Julia loves her.
Chris: I can’t believe that Ben’s mom and sister were won over so quickly. Did Courtney offer to sleep with them, too? Julia asks what their dad would say if he was here. He would say, “Why the hell is my son on a reality dating show?”
Lindzi and Ben Have a Sweet, Uneventful Date
Sarah: Ben takes Lindzi on a date that does not involve helicopters or plunging to their certain death. She reveals her love to him while on a lift ascending the Matterhorn. Then she tries skiing for the first time, with Ben attached to her butt. Lindzi spills her guts further at the hotel after the date and Ben doesn’t even pretend to be interested. This is sad.
Chris: I appreciated how Ben managed to grind on her like a 14-year-old at a high school dance.
Courtney and Ben Have Another Picnic
Sarah: Is this staged? Courtney and Ben have a picnic in the snow next to a frozen lake, yet neither wears a coat, just really ugly sweaters and OJ Simpson gloves. Courtney gives him a scrapbook, but unfortunately it’s just a photo album of their dates and not a creepy collection of magazine clippings. She also reads a handwritten note to him — we paused it on the DVR to read any scandalous text she skipped over — but it was just mush. Though it did reveal that she made him a mix CD of Ben Harper songs. She then blows the date by bringing up her bad behavior with the other girls in the house.
Chris: Courtney is the only girl Ben actually seems interested in. With the other girls, it was more like he was interviewing them for an HR position. Rob Gordon would be disappointed in the quality of her mix tape.
The Big Decision
Sarah: Lindzi and Courtney take a helicopter to the proposal spot, and both wear hideous capes. Velvet capes. Luckily, Chris Harrison is there to greet Lindzi and hold her cape, while BEN DUMPS HER! He proposes to Courtney and she accepts. They deserve each other. This is why Kacie B’ doesn’t love!
Chris: Lindzi seems more upset that she lost to Courtney than about not being with Ben. Wait, there’s another hour of this right now?!
The Bachelor Recap: After the Final Rose
Sarah: That was fast. Apparently Ben and Courtney are no longer dating — shocker! Once Ben watched the episodes with the rest of the world and realized how terrible Courtney treated everyone, he dumped her. Though after watching all those episodes, he didn’t realize how bad his hair looked. He’s still rocking the same ’90s look, although now he’s added scraggly dirt beard. Oh, wait. Now they’re engaged again after talking it over with Chris Harrison.
Chris: Chris Harrison has a heart of steel! The faces and whispers of the women in the audience is how everyone in America is reacting right now. I wonder if he reads this blog.
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