December 9, 2009 by USA Post
Tennessee Hostesses,Your day according to Google: Co’G took the morning off today since it seemed no one cared about anything from coast to coast except whether their kids’ schools were closed. We crawled back under the covers hoping something more interesting would happen later. We weren’t disappointed: before noon, an acrylic plant exploded, quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen (pictured) had a baby boy, there were whiffs of an NCAA scandal around Tennessee’s use of recruitment “hostesses,” and comedian Tyler Perry’s mother (the inspiration for his annoying Madea character) died.
Notice, if you will, the absence of a certain newsmaker whose name rhymes with “Tiger Woods” …
First to Seabrook, Texas: It’s there that the American Acryl chemical plant blew up, but with no injuries and, according to a statement by plant officials, no chemical releases. The facility makes acrylic used in a wide range of household goods from diapers to paint. No news yet what caused the explosion.
New England Patriots QB Tom Brady took the snap from supermodel Gisele Bundchen and came away with a baby boy. This is Brady’s second time dipping into the elite gene pool; he has a 2-year-old boy with supermodel Bridget Moynahan.
And the New York Times is reporting allegations that sex sells college enrollments, at least at the University of Tennessee, which is under NCAA investigation for sending “hostesses” to high school football games to entice players they’re interested in. It seems to have worked: One player told the paper that the hostesses had a “lot” of influence on two of his friends, who enlisted with the college. “You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty,” the player said.
In other news, a court-appointed cosmetologist is part of the attempted murder trial of accused neo-Nazi John Allen Ditullio underway in Florida. Ditullio has a swastika tattooed under his ear, barbed wired tats on his face and a string of vulgarities inked along his neck. The cosmetologist will cover up the offending body art to ensure he gets a fair trial.
And yes it’s true — so far there is no new news about Tiger Woods. But it hasn’t kept people from Googling his name in the expectation that his stable of Tiger Tails, as his alleged mistresses are being called, will continue to expand at the same Big Bang rate as it has since Thanksgiving.
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