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Sofia Vergara Esquire

March 19, 2012 by · Comments Off on Sofia Vergara Esquire 

Sofia Vergara Esquire, A man walks out of the elevator, into the lobby of the apartment building where Sofia Vergara lives. Tall, handsome, relaxed, dressed in workout clothes. All-American guy. I’m just walking in, about to buzz up.

“Hey,” he calls out to me, “you here to see Sofia?” Turns out it’s her boyfriend, Nick. He’s a very friendly guy, Nick, and he stops to chat. The more you talk to Nick, the more you like him. After a minute I say, “Why don’t you come up and join us for the interview?” He looks confused. “You could help shed some light on the cultural differences an American man faces when he’s with a Latin woman,” I tell him. A smile spreads across Nick’s face. He’s no fool. He waves goodbye and is out the front door in two seconds flat.

This is not a magazine story. This is a public-service announcement. Roughly thirteen million people watch Sofia Vergara on Modern Family every week playing Gloria, the gorgeous, caring, opinionated, loud, and much-younger wife of Jay, played by Ed O’Neill. It’s the best show on TV.

You figure a lot of the men watching Sofia are single. Many have fallen in love with her — her Colombian curves, her perfect comedic timing, her accent. Unfortunately for them, they will never be with Sofia Vergara.

Somehow, Sofia is nearly forty years old. She has a twenty-year-old son, and she has all-American Nick. So it figures that at least some of these single men in love with the Sofia Vergara they see on television will go looking for their own Sofia. And some of them just may find her, in another Latina. They may even marry that other Latina. It’s not a stretch to say that children, perhaps many children, will come into this world because so many American men are falling in love with Sofia Vergara.

And so when I enter her apartment, I have a purpose. We greet with a kiss on each cheek, as if we’d met in Colombia. Then she leads me to a couch. It’s a white couch — a Latin couch. Large, elegant, and comfortable. A family could inhabit this couch, could lean all the way back and laugh. It makes you feel at home.

I start off by bringing up Sonia Braga, the Latina bombshell from a generation ago. When I was a young man, I saw Sonia in two movies, Gabriela and Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands. In each one, the plot was driven by Sonia’s ability to cook food that made you want to dive into the screen and make love in ways that wouldn’t let you sleep at night. “Sonia Braga was my idea of a Latin woman,” I tell Sofia. “That was all I wanted — great food and amazing sex. I even learned a little Portuguese so that I could communicate with her when I found her. I went to Brazil, and I did find my own Sonia Braga.”

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