Taft Stuck In Bathtub

February 20, 2012 by staff 

Taft Stuck In Bathtub, Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s trying to get into the Presidents Day spirit and finding it very difficult.

First of all, there are no Presidents Day decorations, no Presidents Day songs and now special Presidents Day food.

We also tried dressing up like former presidents (not pretty), giving presidential-sounding speeches to a very unwillingly assembled audience of roommates, paying some confused neighbor kids to break into the opposing party’s campaign office at Watergate and even inviting the Obamas over for dinner (they politely declined). No dice.

So now we think we’ll go the traditional (and frankly, less expensive) route and just keep those 44 great executives-in-chief in mind as we go about enjoying this lovely long weekend.

MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Cool, us too. Got any fun facts about former presidents that we might ponder this weekend?

Summit Up: So glad you asked! Just so happens we do!

George Washington only had one tooth when he was inaugurated. He never wore wood dentures, however.

Thomas Jefferson composed his own epitaph and designed his own headstone (there’s a cheerful chore) but didn’t mention in either one that he had been president.

Life in the White House disagreed with President William Henry Harrison. He was inaugurated on March 4, 1841, and promptly contracted pneumonia and died a month later.

Zachary Taylor had no formal education, never voted, never belonged to a political party and apparently never took any interest in politics at all until he was 62 years old, when he dove right in and ran for president. Won too, obviously.

Millard Fillmore, besides being one of the few presidents who was pretty much forgotten by history, also refused to accept a degree from Oxford University, because it was written in Latin and he said someone shouldn’t accept a degree they couldn’t read.

Though Ulysses S. Grant survived some of the bloodiest battles in U.S. history as a Union general during the Civil War, he couldn’t stand the sight of animal blood. He was also arrested once for driving his horse too fast.

Teddy bears were named for Theodore Roosevelt, who also had a photographic memory and was blind in one eye.

The immense William Howard Taft got stuck in the White House bathtub the first time he used it.

Herbert Hoover donated his entire salary to charity.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt probably would have been president forever had he not died in his fourth term.

George H.W. Bush got sick at a formal dinner in Japan and vomited on the prime minister. Then he fainted.

As a child, Bill Clinton’s nickname was Bubba.

OK, that’s all we’ve got. Cheers to all those dudes who were brave enough to try and run this country. Thanks for getting us a day off work.


On a completely different note, we’ve got another installment from the beloved Random Ric. It’s been a while since we’ve heard of him, and he seems to have used the time off to develop a speech impediment. He’s just as random as ever, though.

He says here in his Cant Bewieve this is Happening to Me Awert!!:

“Being a big Big Bang Teowy fan and a supportew of Dr. Sheldon Cooper we hawmesswy stawted imitating arch-nemisis’s Kwippke’s rhotacism speech impediment. (Fow those of you without cable or an intewest in intewwectual Tv: Barry Kwipke is an unlikable co-worker of Weonard and Shewdon’s, who works in pwasma physics, Kwipke has a case of rhotacism where he pwonounces the letters “R” and “L” as “W” in much the same way as Ewmew Fudd.) Weww, weally what hawm can come of it we thought, we’ve been making faces in the miwwow fow yeaws and ouw face has nevew stuck that way. Weww, wet me teww you I can’t stop tawking wike this. Heeeewwwwwppppp! I can’t stop! I’m getting no wove fwom my wovewy wife eithew; pawaphwasing Howawd Coseww to OJ Simpson many yeaws ago she said “Juice, notify Air Traffic Control when you are about to approach the english language.” Easy fow Wovewy Wife to say. Twy appwoaaching San Diego without saying “San Diego Appwoach, wocawisew on.” How would you wike to have lywics stuck in youw mind that go “Cawibview Queen, no mowe wove on the wun.” Awwwight, I can see you awe unmoved by my pwedicament so I’m just going to bwead a cat and sing awong with Stevie Wondew and Awetha Fwankwin.

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