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Rodney Dangerfield

May 2, 2010 by Post Team 

Rodney DangerfieldRodney Dangerfield:A girl called me the other day and said … Come on over, no one is home. I went. No one was home.

Of emotions is very delicate. It is the placement of a mask. Each time an actor does not hide, that is exposed.

At twenty a man is full of struggle and hope. Want to reform the world. When is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can not.

I come from a really tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I realized that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I realized that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Bebo too. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I have no respect. The way my luck is running, if I were a politician be honest.

I had a lot of grains of the child. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

I have cute kids. Thank God my wife cheating on me.

I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt.

I looked at my family tree and discovered I was the sap.

I looked at my family tree and found three dogs using it.

I met the surgeon general – she offered me a cigarette.

I remember when he was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I told my dentist my teeth are yellow. told me to wear a tie brown.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said it was ridiculous – everyone has not met me yet.

I told my wife the truth. I said I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist two plumbers and a bartender.

I was so ugly that my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

Went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I’d get.

I’m at an age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I’m taking Viagra, and drinking prune juice – I do not know if I’m going or coming.

If it were not for pickpockets have no sex life at all.

It is difficult to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, but she will not drink from my glass.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Most of the arguments to the parties that I fall a little short of being impressive, knowing that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

My cousins gay, he went to London only to discover that Big Ben was a clock.

My father carries around the picture of the child who came with his wallet.

My marriage is on the rocks, yes, my wife has just broken up with her boyfriend.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and told him that want a second opinion. He is right, it’s very ugly.

last wish of my uncle – he wanted me in her lap. He was in the electric chair.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day told me to put the trash. I told him I already did. She told me to keep an eye on it.

My wife met me at the door the other night at a sxy gown. Unfortunately, there was more to come home.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My wife was afraid of the dark … then he saw me nkd and now she is afraid of light.

My wife’s jealousy is ridiculous. The other day I looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May.

On Halloween, parents sent their children to look like me.

A year that asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

I have some dogs too. We call him Egypt. Because in all the rooms leaves a pyramid.

The way my luck is running, if I were a politician be honest.

This morning when I put my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

We sleep in separate rooms, dined out, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

What I have a dog, his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a child that I have, I spoke to the birds and bees and the butcher told me and my wife.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but always found them.

When I was born was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

In my case, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist told me my wife and me should have sex every night. But we will never see us!

With my wife does me no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had. ” The waiter joined me.

Yes, and I know I’m ugly … I told a waiter, “Make me a zombie.” He said ‘God beat me to it. “

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