President Obama’s Bowling Score 37
December 23, 2011 by staff
President Obama’s Bowling Score 37, If the Denver Broncos can pull off the impossible, the implausible, the improbable, the inconceivable and somehow, some way, defeat the mighty New England Patriots this Sunday, Tim Tebow will be canonized by the Pope on Monday. Saint Timmy the Great. On Tuesday the Archbishop of Canterbury will dub the Denver quarterback a Knight of the British Empire. Sir Winsalot of Tebow.
Come Wednesday, Sports Illustrated will name the young quarterback extraordinaire its “Sportsman of the Year,” and feature Timmy’s boyish face on the SI cover with a halo superimposed above his head, prompting American atheists to immediately rise and demand all copies of the issue be burned because the Constitution expressly commands the separation of sports and religion.
By Thursday, Denver management will have constructed a Field Goal Jesus – not quite as mighty as Touchdown Jesus over in South Bend – because FGJ will be portable so it can easily be moved behind the goal posts of whichever end of the field Broncos kicker Matt Prater happens to be when he’s about to kick the game-tying or game-winning field goal. When Prater sets an NFL record by kicking a 64-yard field goal as time expires to beat the Patriots, he will officially change his name to Prayter, as in “Pray ta’ God I can keep making these unbelievable kicks.”
Friday night, the NFL groupies will trample one another outside the Broncos locker room – ruining thousands of dollars worth of false eyelashes, false fingernails, and whatever other not-so-real things they might be wearing, as they jockey for position as best one can in a skin-tight mini-skirt. The goal: Not to sleep with Tebow; no, that’s a ritual reserved for the marital bed when Mrs. Tim finally comes along. No, they’ll try to get next to Tim to discuss the virtues of chastity and abstinence.
Hell, uh, make that Heck, Tim Tebow is such a refreshing change from the typical modern-day pro athlete, even Patriot fans should be rooting for a Denver win on Sunday. After all, they once had a little-engine-that-could type quarterback over there in Boston, kid by the name of Doug Flutie.
Yet, when the weekend talk shows roll around previewing the next game, sure as shootin’ the topic of Tim Tebow’s public display of gratitude to Jesus Christ will come up.
Pundits and players will dutifully shake their heads, wondering why such an otherwise talented and apparently smart young man would debase himself by proclaiming for all to hear that he truly believes that all good things that come his way are due to the benevolence of Jesus Christ whom he calls his “Lord and Savior.”
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