December 25, 2009 by USA Post
Gary Smalley:It was all set up a couple of weeks ago that when the fire truck on which Santa was riding in the Orange Christmas parade reached a certain location, he was going to give me a copy of his proposed route he plans to take on the night of Dec. 24 and some of the gifts he would be delivering.
But alas! the annual Orange Christmas parade was postponed at the last minute due to inclement weather—not rain mind you, but snow of all things.
This really threw a big monkey wrench into the planning of our annual Christmas Korner with the new date set just one week before Christmas Day. And we were worried that Santa wouldn’t know when to secretly sling that list or where it was to take place because the parade route had been altered so dramatically.
We hollered at him as the fire truck was approaching while some of the parade watchers rolled their eyes in disbelief that someone as old as Santa was waving at him like some excited toddler.
It didn’t appear that we got Santa’s attention as he waved to all the thrilled youngsters with one hand and then flipped that precious list behind his back like some NBA superstar with the other.
We unfolded the stack of papers with our cold hands and observed the following names on his list and these corresponding Christmas presents he plans on delivering tomorrow night after all the little kiddies are asleep:
PRO GOLFER TIGER WOODS—A living example of what the Fall of the Roman Empire must have been like.
WEST ORANGE-COVE SCHOOL BOARD—A Breathalyzer to monitor people involved in assisting the economic development of our fair city.
SUNSET GROVE GOLFER BOB HOOD—A big hook to fish out any sportswriter who may be dumb enough to fall out of his boat.
CINCINNATI BENGALS WIDE RECEIVER CHAD OCHOCINCO—A debate over whether he changed his name to match the number 85 he wears on his uniform or merely double his IQ.
WEST ORANGE-STARK HEAD COACH DAN HOOKS—The extra ingredients needed to win another state championship in football.
SILVER SNEAKERS INSTRUCTOR AT BODY WORKZ ELLA MULHOLLAN—A Marine drill instructor uniform to wear while working out her class of senior citizens.
NIKE SPORTING EQUIPMENT COMPANY—Clarification that their motto “Just Do It” shouldn’t be taken so literally by its company spokesperson. Apparently Tiger did it often.
TEXAS LONGHORN FANS—An interpreter to distinguish between the Texas Longhorns football or basketball team when someone talks about their No. 2-ranked undefeated team.
DALLAS COWBOYS—A reprieve for Head Coach Wade Phillips just when owner Jerry Jones was inquiring about a replacement for his nice-guy head coach by tossing around names like Bob Stoops and Bill Cowher until the team did something not many thought they could do—upset the undefeated New Orleans Saints in their own house 24-17 keeping their playoff hopes very much alive.
SUNSET GROVE GOLFER RICHARD DUFFIE—The Mickey Mantle Award for being one of the very few switch-hitting golfers. He drives and chips left-handed but putts right-handed.
AN UNNAMED SOUTHEAST TEXAS COACH—The Lunesta Award for taking the product to eliminate insomnia and now he has nightmares about a lighted green butterfly encircling his bedroom.
FORMER PORT ARTHUR MEMORIAL AND TEXAS LONGHORN STAR RUNNING BACK JAMAAL CHARLES—A thank-you note to former Kansas City Chiefs’ teammate Larry Johnson for acting like an idiot and being dismissed from the team. Now Charles is the featured running back and is having a fine season.
SILVER SNEAKERS PARTICIPANT VERN PENNINGTON—The Methuselah Award for showing up twice a week for the senior citizen’s hour-long exercise program as his 96th birthday looms in January.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS—An Upside Down Trophy for being one of the very few defending NFL World Champions not even playing well enough to be in serious contention for the upcoming playoffs.
LITTLE CYPRESS-MAURICEVILLE FIRST-YEAR HEAD COACH RANDY CROUCH—A button with “Excelsior” inscribed on it meaning onward and upward for his Battlin’ Bears to continue to improve and add more victories in the future.
SUNSET GROVE GOLFER JIM RODDA—“The Man With the Plan” Award for overseeing projects to improve the golf course like the recent construction of the new cart barn and the present project of repairing the bridge.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS—Although the team’s front office swears the Colts plan to rest the regulars, the team continues to win after already securing their position in the upcoming NFL playoffs. Unless the brass forbids quarterback Peyton Manning from dressing out, his influence on the field will produce a victory because that’s the only thing he knows.
TEXAS LONGHORNS’ HEAD COACH MACK BROWN—His autobiography should be titled “Green With Envy” depicting those UT faculty members who are upset about his recent raise to $5 million plus performance bonuses. If they put a pencil to the mind-boggling number of hours a college head football coach works plus the fact he has no tenure, maybe they would quit complaining. Besides, the Texas football program generates the money for Brown’s salary.
SOUTHEAST TEXAS—An All-American supplier of college football talent that has produced former West Orange-Stark star Earl Thomas, who was named as the first-team All-American safety for the Texas Longhorns, former Jasper standout Sean Weatherspoon, who was on the second team as Missouri’s middle linebacker and former Newton all-stater Toddland Pendland, who was named as a first-team FCS All-American running back from McNeese.
SUNSET GROVE GOLFER CRAIG COUVILLION—A “Weather Wienie Sock” with a hole in it so he can stick his big toe out the back door to see if the weather is warm enough for him to play golf during these winter months.
LAMAR LADY CARDS BASKETBALL TEAM—Hope that history repeats itself with their current 9-3 record which is the best 12-game mark since their last NCAA Tournament visit in 1990-91 when they also started out 9-3.
AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Mike Lemons, Archie McClelland, Mark Dunn, Jeff Thomas, Johnny Montagne, Les Jones, Ronnie Hutchison, Gene Harrison, Pierre De la Fosse, Chris Trout, Macy Dubose, Gwen Whitehead, Troy Manuel, Missy Pillsbury, John Prather, Brad Prejean, John Morris, Larry Moerbe, Judy Arnaud, Andy Conner, Tom Toal, Steve Betz, Harrison Vickers, Jerry Windham, Roy Woods, Rodney Barrett, Gail Beckett, Larry Ancelot, Bobby Nelson, Carl Sanders, Matt Purgahn, Joe Hawthorn, David Thompson, James Denmon, Mike King, Durwood Bennett, Bob C**kerill, Chris Allen, Matt Morgan, Dixie Trahan, Doug Patterson, Mike Shuff, Jim King, Claude Wimberly, Dale Thompson, Alex Morrow, John Cochran, Lou Reina, David Benoit, Bart Corder, Roy Peterson, Jimmy Givens, Jimmy Sichko, Mickey McNamara, Ken Ruane, Ron Hopperton, Joe Murphy, Walter Cox, David Ess, John Dubose, Ken Ballard, Lacy Hale, Mark Williams, Gary Cook, Bobby Eddings, Tommy Gunn, Lee Clark, Jim Rodda, Kerry Lamb, Brian Hudson, Stephen Patterson.
Joe Ely, Trez Sichko, Allen Beauchamp, Wanda Peveto, Larry Duhon, David Sand, Milton Newton, Mike Parish, Robert Baca, Jim Brown, Paul Pope, Mark Hebert, John Toomey, Beth Baas, Stacy Hoffpauir, Tina Lawrence, Tammy Torrez, Derry Dunn, Mike Shahan, Wes Duvall, James Welch, James Vidrine, Bob Hollier, Ken St. John, David Bridges, Jim Matthews, Tommy Reed, Sandra Hall, Ruth Crawley, Raquel Goodboddie, Jajemi Plut, V.L. Grimes, David Loden, Brian Waguespack, Manuel Godina, Joseph Droddy, Wayne Baker, James Thurman, Ray Benoit, Bill Belcher, Don Olivier, Jerry Ling, Brenda Buxton, Regina Edwards, Frank Hatton, Willow Simpson, Kathy Gunn, LaQueta McClelland, Bill Dunn, Darby Byrd, Cochise Shockley, Wade Gillet, Jerry McDonald, Jerry Pennington, Chrisleigh Dal Sasso, Cathy Day.
Lindsey Nelson, Jim Sharon Bearden, Leo Labauve, Dan Perrine, Billy Burrow, Dan Cochran, Ken Bridgers, George Crawford, Michelle Broussard, Jim Simon, Jack McClelland, Scottie Wilson, Willie Bednar, James Lopez, Dennis Powell, Bobby Duhon, Carlos Vacek, Roy Locks, George Toal, Mike Lucia, Jim Dunaway, Jack Tindel, Ray Pousson, Jim Ehlert, Bryce Conner, Mike Mazzola, Faye Parish, Gilbert Myers, Johnny Dugas, Kathy Polansky, Yankee Mortimer, Pat Murphy, Leo Simpson, Mike McKown, Clint Hathaway, Jerry Decker, Mike Holbrook, Lee Roy Boehme Jr., Jerry Ann Trouard, Jimmy Boyd, Donnie Mires, Bobby Swan,
Larry Hammett, Tom Day, Bryan McKinley, Junior Trahan, Donny Ratcliff, Joe Marks, Don Lormand, Robert Dunn, Bernie Birk, Robert Roesler, Wayne Iles, Leonard Mosca, Raymond Guilbeaux, Jim Malcolm.
Travis Clark, Martha Rogers, Robert Burris, Jerry Caillier, Ricky Parker, John Scofield, Vern Campbell, Carol Perry, Kenny Lalonde, Roy Simar, David Cardner, Bo Robertson, Mike Catt, Pete Runnels, Russell Bottley, James Luna, Ray Jones, Preston Prince, David Teague, Wayland Payne, Carl Floyd, Skip Moore,
Pete Sterling, Danny Aaron, Brian Murphy, Montie Moran, Doug Rogers, Cary Bresie, Pat Key, Rodney Townsend, Jerry Howeth, Pat Monogue, Phillip Brown, Homer Stuntz, Andrew Hayes, Linda Moore, Glen Oliver, Bob Byerly, Jerry Hughes, Bart Williams, Brooks Hill, Janet Newton, Benis Lee, Jim Keith, Lynn Smith, Ebb Moore, Steve Pomeroy, Jerrod Bland, Mac Rogers, Frank Finchum, Charles Broussard, Sharon Bearden, Joe Doucet, J.B. Arrington, Harold Tiller, Dennis Lee, Jerry Ann Trouard.
Dennis Bishop, Gus Beuershausen, Leon Delome, Grant Gipson, Jeep Colburn, Jerry Nichols, Kevin Hebert, Brian Mingle, Oscar Smith, Joe Parkhurst, Pete Gresham, Charlie Miller, Joe Alford, Chris Gunn, Ed Dyer, Bill Bromley, Ace Amodeo, Jim Pruter, Mike Bernard, Ken Wernig, Roland Gregorie, John Tate, Hal LaPray, Bob Campbell, Roderick Robertson, Buddy Hahn, Manuel Solis, Earl Parker, Neil Watts, John Martinez, Terry Childers, Joan Quartermont, Jeff Mathews, Tiffany Rochelle, Dempsie Jaynes, Kyle Walker, Randy Brown, Clay Dugas, Ellis Boyd, Glenn “Smoothie” Earle, Ron Cowling, Richard Corder, Billy Bayliss, Andre Robertson, Billy Permenter, David Montagne, Earl Collier, Dewey Scott, Robert Tywater, Louise Savoy, Mike Poutra, Sandy Sanford, John Cash Smith, Mary Beth Benoit, Jimmy Verrett, Russell Cronin, Richard Turkel, Rodney Townsend Jr., Jay Miller, Mark Williams.
David Dunn, Cecil Byers, Bo Brannick, Jimmy Owens, Margaret Broussard, Ollie Halten, Waymon Sibley, Rufus Flurry, Aaron Burke, Kris Olsen, Joe Grossman, Wayne Sparrow, David Hoelzer, James Bloodworth, Ron Roberts, Mike Hoke, Mike Hebert, Tim Hughes, Phillip Madar, Myrt Myers, Lou Garriga, Becky Grant, J.W. “Kid” Henry, Vicki Landry, Gene Steele, Ken Reeves, Jimmy Ray Burris, Brenda Morgan, Robert Mortimer, Jody Gray, Mark Williams, Chris Hyde, Clifford Bray, Darline Zavada, Todd Marburgh, Dawn Collins, Stacy Caillavet, John Broussard, Greg Choate, Dave Walsh, Williard Lanier, Calvin Collins, Greg Smith, Jerome Wilkerson, Joyce Prescott, Keith Hogan, David Piland,
Andy Conner, Lana Stogner, Kevin Philen, Vernon Davis, David Hollier, John Lister, Anthony Padilla, Erin Godina, Greg Turbeville, Danny Blacksher, Terry Myers, Mel Hyatt, Curt Leger, George Nevarez, Patrick Toomey, Brad Gilmore, Larry Fisher.
Gary Pollock, Sandy Walker, Anita Vidrine, Bud Martin, Natalie Simon, Jerry Meads, Gary Mainero, Steve Taylor, Richard Scott, Lisa Dies, Darrow Judge, Mark Netherly, Barbara Hayes, Derrick Jones, Dale Peddy, Todd Hoffpauir, Terry Steubing, Donna Evans, Teresa Schreck, David Davis, Shirley Walker, Larry Woods, Warren Landry, Steve Champion, Rex Ansley, Connie Burnitt, Greg Willis, Pat Anglin, George Baker, Henry Seals, Steve Issacs, James Blair, Troy Burton, Homer Stockton, Vic Arceneaux, Rick Keszeg, Don Burgess, Tommy Carroll, Mary Louise McKee, Barbara Bergeron, Paula Legate, Connie Lemaire, Debbie Perry, Scott Swearingen, Camilla Richard, Phyllis McCall, Brandon Prouse, Steve Griffith, Carolyn Schramm, Jessie West, C.A. Keasler, Bryce Conner, Betty Merchant, Ronnie Moody, John Young, Kay Morris, Jim Dwight, George Mortimer, Larry Willette, Blake Morrison, Leon King, Hughie Allen, John Rowland, Leon Evans, Preston Fuller, Karl Eason, Jim Mouton, Brad Gilmore, Bret Johns, B.J. Morgan, Teddy Miller, Wayne Iles.
Bob Campbell, Louis Manuel, Richard Doggett, Richard Roddy, Sandy Turner, Ralph Barrientos, Shea Simon, Chris Cartwright, Sam Lucia, Jack Jones, Shirley “Fuzz” Ware, Gary Ware, Virgil Ingram, Warren Claybar, Charlie Greenwell, J.C. Sea, John Hardin, Gene Tannehill, Anne Foster, Matt Murphy, Mike Collins, Sam Hudson, Aubrey Welch, Virgie Thomas, Charlotte Guillory, Elray Henson, Marilyn Malvo, Chad Havens, Wendy Rost, Josh Smalley, Art Mason, Mike Reed, Ray Tilley, Keith Doucet, Chad Bryant, Ronald Enard, Hugh Granger, Nelson Derrick, Sandy Cooper, Toby Foreman, Gary Thibodeaux, Stephen Lee, Darby Byrd, Charles Arsenault.
Doug Posey, Jimmy Givens, Rick Sand, Joe Raburn, Wallace Culps, Angie Simar, Bryant Calcote, Wayne Lowe, Connie Powell, Jack Horton, Tony Perry, Mark McCall, Rose Sanders, Joy Haney, Bruce Savoy, Becky Rhoden, Heath Martin, Ed Freiberg, Torry Shroff, George Sepulvado, Johnny Dorman, Ronnie Puckett, Brenda Campbell, Lori Thompson, Madge Rogers, Travis Ashworth, Marty Monogue, Jeremy Green, Harry Sharpless, Ronnie Puckett, Bobbie Murphy, Jill Williams, Brandon Seaman, Richard Terry, Quincy Procell, John Gradnigo, Judy Lowe, Richard Porter, Weldon Gibson, Joyce Drake, Jim Rawls, Bill Nicholas, Mark Berton, Ray Dal Sasso, Jack Couvillion, Mickey Bergeron, Pat Clark, Mary Guillory.
Jonathan Vandagriff, David Haney, Ron McPherson, Gene McCormick, Andre Robertson, Delle Bates, Gerald Beach, Ray Montagne, Jim Dawes, Carl Thibodeaux, Mike Bernard, Paul Mott, Kermit Richard, Charles Blalack, Dick Alexander, Jeff Dalton, Craig Corder, Dooney Williams, Roland Wolfford, Dave Maddox, Robin Brooks, Shirley Almazan, Buddy Withrow, Paul Vaughan, Vernon Myers, Billy Denham, Louis Willey, Clyde Davis, Bob Brown, Jerry Childress, Laurie Modisette, Bob Baptista, Stewart Olive, Jay Brown, David Williams, Russell Covington, Jerry Montgomery, Judith Perkins, Art Olschefski, Harold Gross, Russell Turkel, Larry Fisher George Poutra, Steve Pesek, Charles Liggio, John Garrett, Brown Claybar, Larry Warner, Shelby May, Dickie Colburn, Joe Barrios, Virgis Benoit, Dwight Bickham, Howard Minor.
David Claybar, J.L. Vincent, Ron Theriot, Ross Smith, Dave Pederson, Peggy Vincent, Max Pachar, George Millsap, Jerome Standley, Sleepy Smith, Gwen Barton, Ron Sigler, Pat Brown, James Sanders, B.K. Ware, Leonard Brown, Billy Shults, Jeremy Hogg, Alicia Hebert, Reanna Morris, Bill Tillman, Ronnie Rost, Gay Richardson, Jim Turpin, Kelly Alford, Alan Whipkey, Jane Dunn, Ann Lieby, John Harrell, Joe Luna, Max Staudt, Jessie Whitehead, Sweet Charlotte Tucker, Jim Graves, Jeff Wheatley, Moe Litton, Jack White, Glenn Hill, Maurice Mueschke, Bill Vann, Billy Paul Withrow, Tommy Ewing, Ernie Dyer, Carroll Holt, Shane Johns, John Broussard, Denise Himel, Pat Fountain, Sid Caillavet, Paul Patin, Lona Vasquez.
Dennis Duhon, Jim Miller, Jimmy Sattler, Rodney Dove, Lawrence Hunt, Eddie Faulk, June Gunstream, Cornel Thompson, Sam Kittrell, Dick Behnke, Huel Fontenot, Paul Lorimer, Ronnie Burton, Mike Lovett, Robert “Woody” Wood, Vicky Walters, Leroy Breedlove, Mike White, Frank Skeeler, Dick Graves, Roy Holbrook, Haazen Kenney, Bonnie Mingle, John Kimbrough, Wayne Peveto, Gene Alsandor, Bubba Lanning, Wayne Morris, Dale LeBlanc, Nelson Broussard, Sammy Owens, Heath Mouton, Harold Fuqua, Roger Hall, Joe Peery, Bob Hood, James Rigler, Robert Sims, Dexter Bassinger, Bill Modisette, Mark Oldham, Mackey Clasby, Vernon Collier, Michael Arnaud, Jay Ayers, Jeanette Cleaver, Adolph Hryhorchuk, Ray Burch, Gerhard Hommel, Preston Conway, Jimmy Willis, David Payne, Walter Landisch.
Jimmy Sims, Joe Ware, Roy Dunn, Eric Hinton, Debbie Fusilier, Penny LeLeux, Amanda Adams, Robert Hankins, Les Patin, Debbie Buckalew, Rod Fisette, Ricky Trahan, Melinda Gipson, Jet Toohey, James Stringer, Alan Sanders, John Cooper, Glenn Toohey, Sam Lucia, Betty Derrick, Lon Craft, Margaret Peeples, John DiBatiste, Mike Abbott, Charles Gant, Dave Field, Carl Himel, Earl Geis, Mike Leonard, Jack Burney, Brandon Landry, Randy Crouch, Ray Rogers, Gary Stelly, Pat Johnson, Andy Allen, Ray Conner, Bob Shinn, Keith Staudt, Louis McIntire, Fred Zoch, Troy Burke, Bubba Brown, Johnny Trahan, David Clary, Joey Campbell, Robert Query, Gary Thibodeaux, Steve Mazzola, Tim Bonnin, Jay James, DeWitt Gipson, John Griffith, Howard Nelson, Randy Jarrell, Jimmy Jones, Joe Payne, Donald Moss, Tommy Melton, Doug Nelms, Cecil Sylvester, Roy Knolley, Annabelle Stringer, Wade Smith, Shea Brown, Sam Ambers, John Raughton, Pat Leverne, James Scott, Ann Harner, Sam Daggett, Jenny Taylor, David Trahan, Donnie Shockley, Jr., Tommy Nobles, Jack Jones, John Crawford, Jim Gordon, Jim Colley, Dennis Doggett, Sue Rathburn, Keith Lyons, Wayne Franklin, Mandy Rogers, Terry Landry, Albert Gore, Betsy Phillips, Trent Cooper, James Ray, Mike Hughes, Mark Magnuson, Gary Mulhollan, Miles Hall, Bobby Tanner, Jason Gipson, Jade Saucier, Georgia Corder, Ron Logan, Jimmy Hooker, Ken Manuel, Don Harmon, Sanford Lummus, Mary Frances Hartley, Hunter Sheridan, Lewis Sims, Tommy Carroll, Van Wade.
And a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS to my e-mail readers Dick and Gail Kazmar, Bobbie and Dick Wechter, Don and Linda Bivens, Karen and Brian Smith, Robert and Kate Butcher, Brock and Glenna Bult, Paul Groncki, Bobbie Earle, Wayne and Kaye Morris, Tony Ottati and for anyone I may have missed, especially you, my loyal readers who have been with Kaz’s Korner since its inception Sept. 12, 1966.
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