Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant

March 6, 2012 by staff 

Elizabeth Berkley Pregnant, Good. Now, let us completely ignore this baby rubbish and focus squarely on the fact that Elizabeth Berkeley was in Saved By The Bell, which is fine, but that she was also in the greatest craptacular film ever made – SHOWGIRLS! Elizabeth Berkeley is the worst actress in the world. Seriously. She’s so bad that her unborn foetus is already a superior thesp.

And if you’ve watched Showgirls, you’ll adore how dreadful she is. Honestly, go watch it again and marvel at how Berkeley can take something as routine as walking and make it look like a gigantic chore. When asked to walk briskly, not only does Berkeley look like she’s never walked a step in all her life, but she has the poise and grace of someone wearing mittens trying to juggle egg-yolks while being assaulted down a spiral staircase.

Problematic for someone who took the lead role in a film which requires endless dancing while covered in baby oil.

Of course, Berkeley isn’t the only person who can’t act for toffee. Absolutely everyone in Showgirls can’t act. The ensemble totters around like something grown in a petri-dish, designed to look exactly like us humans, but alas, carrying all the empathy and guile of grinning lichen.

Showgirls is more than just bad acting and awful movement. Credit needs to go to the scriptwriters who came up with a scene so baffling that you need to see it to believe it.

Imagine, if you will, a woman in a cowboy hat trying to seduce Elizabeth Berkeley by talking about how much she used to enjoy eating dog food.

The same pair showcase how far you can remove yourself from emotions you’ve invariably felt at some point in your life. Tension, jealousy and anger? Pretty commonplace right? Not in the ‘you’re a whore‘ scene in Showgirls. All emotion has been told to wait in the car while the grown-ups play make-believe for the cameras.

And the less said about the worst sex-scene in cinema’s long, dubious history, the better.

So yeah, well done to Liz Berkeley for having a baby or whatever, we’re really pleased for you. And by ‘you’ we mean we’re pleased you reminded us that you exist at all and prompting the memory of the staggeringly awful, but unswervingly brilliant film that is Showgirls.

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