Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23

April 13, 2012 by staff 

Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23, Don’t Trust The B—- In Apartment 23 is a tough show to try to review, especially after only one episode. B—- is riddled with problems, and yet through all of its blemishes some potential shines through. Shows, especially comedies, often take a handful of episodes to find their voice. So, if I’m being an optimist, I could say that it is certainly possible that B—- will iron out of some of the kinks over the next few weeks and develop into a strong performer for ABC. If I’m not feeling quite so generous, I would probably say that it is just as likely that the show will fail to rise above its problems and toil away in mediocrity until it is mercifully cancelled.

For those of you who missed the premiere, here’s the gist of Don’t Trust The B—- In Apartment 23:

June (Dreama Walker) , a sweet but naive midwesterner, moves to New York City for a fancy new job at a big mortgage firm. When the firm goes under due to some kind of embezzlement scandal, June is forced to move out of her plush corporate apartment. With nowhere else to go, she moves in with a stranger, Chloe (Krysten Ritter). It turns out that Chloe is a psycho who scams roommates by taking their first and last month’s rent and then making their lives hell until they move out.

Let’s start with the stuff I found frustrating about last night’s premiere. First and foremost: the title. ABC has a history — with GCB — of abbreviating the word “b**ch” in show titles. I understand why a network would be wary of using a curse word in the title, but abbreviating said curse word is annoying. It’s like ABC wants to have its cake and eat it too. There’s no reason why the show shouldn’t simply be called Apartment 23. Or just man up and call it Don’t Trust The B**ch In Apartment 23, especially when the word “b**ch” is used multiple times in dialog, as well is in the show’s theme song.

Speaking of the theme song, — wow, is it terrible. It sounds like a bad McDonald’s jingle and does not fit tonally with anything else going on in the show. Also, the lyrics don’t make any sense whatsoever. “I’m not perfect, I’m no snitch. I can tell you she’s a b**ch!” What the hell does that mean?

The theme song and the show’s title are kind of superficial problems, I can get past those. I worry, though, that I won’t be able to get past my general distaste for the Chloe character. Chloe comes off as a truly awful person. She walks around the apartment nak*d, her personality is grating, she charges June too much in rent, she sleeps with June’s fiance and she behaves, well, like a total “b—-.” Nothing in pilot suggests that there would be any reason for June to become friends with this person. And yet, by minute 22, they are practically BFFs.

There is one thing (or person) that will keep my coming back to B—-, at least for another week or two, and his name is James William Van Der Beek. As much as it pains me to admit this, I was a pretty into Dawson’s Creek as a kid. I used to spend weeks watching re-run marathons on TBS over summer vacation, so I might be a little bit predisposed to liking anything featuring the Beek. Van Der Beek, who plays himself on B—-, is a great sport. He’s willing to poke fun at himself and his flannel-clad alter-ego. I may not have laughed out loud during the pilot, but I was at least smiling and enjoying myself during the Van Der Beek scenes.

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